For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
