I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
