Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
