Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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