the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
