matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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