I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
