and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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