I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
