I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk is not a location!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
