Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
