Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
