Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
