come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
