yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
