I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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