is wine microwaveable?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
