My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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