I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
