you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
