these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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