I got chris browned last night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
