This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
