why didn't you poke me back
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads