It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
zippers are such a cool invention
I checked into jail on foursquare
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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