in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
