haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube