Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.