let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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