Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
