I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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