Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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