i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
