Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
