just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
