He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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