Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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