maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
