My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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