Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
