Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have fence marks all over my body
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
