is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
