Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
