We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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