How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
