so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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