you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
