Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
please don't ironically join a cult
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