hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
