I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
