Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
