super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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