We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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