How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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