The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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