Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
