I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
