it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
