1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
