Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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