I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize