I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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