i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
