2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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