I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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