too bad you live with your parents still
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
