it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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