the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
