I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
