Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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