I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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