Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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