You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
