On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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