Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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