Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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