you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I want a musical about memes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
