I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
