You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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