mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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