probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
