Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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