R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
