Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
