Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
