If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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